I can almost count the days on two hands. My departure for Paraguay is getting closer and my nerves are really setting in. I got so nervous the other night that I just sat in my room and cried. What am I doing??? Why did I think it would be a good idea to go down there???
I need prayer. None of my nerves involve safety, health, traveling, meeting new people. No. I am nervous that I will go down there and everything I know about Spanish will go away and I will freeze. I'm nervous that the 6 + years that I have been studying, speaking, and paying for the education of this language will go to waste. I am nervous that I will let others down and mostly, myself.
My dad however cheered me up and reminded me of the obvious. He said learning a language is not all about getting it right the first time. I will make mistakes, I will embarrass myself, I will say inappropriate things without knowing it and I will get laughed at. But that can't scare me from conquering something that I am somewhat close at mastering.
I need to remember that my mission down there may not be something tangible. It may not be something I want to have happen. I may not be able to teach 100 kids English or help build a house. I may just be going to build relationships. To be a friend. To be a sister in Christ. To learn from my friend Kristin who is going with me. It may very well be something extremely intangible. I may come home and think I learned nothing and did nothing valuable. But 5, 10 or even 50 years down the road it may hit me that I did in fact learn something, but I just didn't realize it then.
I always get nervous before I leave the country. I am escaping my comfortable, American, English speaking bubble and am venturing out into a world very different than the world I am used to. I know that this is what I love, but why am I terrified?
God give me strength!!
Katie can I just say I am on the same page as you. My mind clouds overs when I start to think about what we are about to go do. But I breath in slowly and remind myself that I don't have to take it all in at once, just one day at a time. And 3 months? THREE MONTHS! I personally think thats a good amount of time to spend in a foreign country where you dont know the people, nor the language. But hey, we got this :)
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yeah girl....we just both need to chill. haha :) I am sooo happy you're coming with me though!! I couldn't imagine not having someone by my side as I take off for a flight to South America for 3 and a half months!!
ReplyDeleteKatie, my love. This is going to be the experience of a LIFETIME! Don't hold yourself back from God's power and what He will do and IS GOING to do. Doubting yourself means you're doubting God's power. I am completely confident that all those years of you studying this language will just come rushing back to you, you probably won't be able to speak as fast as your mind can think! Just allow God's awesome and powerful spirit to move through you. Let Him in COMPLETELY, leaving NO room for doubt and I highly believe He will give you the strength and encouragement for what you need to not only make yourself feel better but also to prove to you that His power conquers ALL nerves...He's going to do AMAZING, UNTHINKABLE things. LOVE YOU SO MUCH. Can't wait to hear about ALL of your God stories :D
ReplyDeleteKristen. You always know just what to say to encourage me. I love you!!
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